All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
