Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
