last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
