i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
