I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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