I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
