You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
