Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
