3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
barbara walters just said penis...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
