i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
