Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
i think i just lost a toe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize