the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
