my phone needs a breathalizer
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
