mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
