that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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