Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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