Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
