Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I want to fling myself into the sun
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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