We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
