You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
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Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
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I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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