This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I woke up under a house in Key West
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