The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
