Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
