hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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