This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you didnt know i had herpes?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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