I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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