You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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