I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
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I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
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I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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