Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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