Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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