had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
