we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
