I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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