why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
