I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
