I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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