We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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