I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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