grandma shit on top of the toilet
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
