Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
