i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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