Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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