I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
