Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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