I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
