My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
