Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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