She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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