dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
