allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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