I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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