Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
