at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
