we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
