If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
