You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
