You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
