Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
