You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
