i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
