1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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