btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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