He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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