party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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