And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
